good news for people who love bad news

MLIW 1-11-06

2006-01-12T14:14:06Z

i don't know how to do that tihng where it links you to the rest of the pictures... someone comment and tell me how.

chaosismex @ 2005-12-13T01:19:00

2005-12-13T06:20:59Z

i'm leaving for the bahamas on feb. 20 i'm stoked as hell

i'm ordering my camera tomorrow

i won high top nike dunks on ebay for 25 bucks.

merry christmas.

chaosismex @ 2005-11-17T18:46:00

2005-11-17T23:56:08Z

something that bothers the shit out of me is when people are the biggest hypocrites EVER

so last year my friends and i had a huge falling out over the most ridiculous shit ever. it was bad, like really bad and i refuse to be "best friends" with these people again. they are the fucking scum of the earth. i'll be an aquatance and i won't start anything cause i hate that shit but we're not buddybuddy anymore. i can't fucking trust people like them.

so our group of friends was basically split in half. and me and two of my best girl friends were the only three girls left after that. we all didn't think we could be friends with these people agian.

slowly but surely one of my friends went back to the other side, but refused to tell me she hung out with them, even lied to me when she was with them. i didn't understand why she would lie to me. but then she stopped hanging out with me completely and is now butt buddies with them.

then my friend dropped out of college and is now back to them too. i hate how much they talked shit on these people and now are best friends with them. people make me sick.

chaosismex @ 2005-10-11T01:34:00

2005-10-11T05:35:22Z

i've come to the conclusion that no matter how much money i make. 3 days later i'm always broke.

chaosismex @ 2005-10-04T23:59:00

2005-10-05T04:00:55Z

i bought a bike yesterday from an old irish woman for 45 dollars.

i felt like i stole it it was so cheap.

its a really sweet roadbike from the 1970s or 80s i believe. its royal blue. i'll post pics later.

chaosismex @ 2005-09-28T21:01:00

2005-09-29T01:10:12Z

i have a new found (greater) hatred for new york city.

apparently the R train stops running from queens to nyc at night. i sat by myself with some homeless dude staring at me for 45 minutes until i then realized the R train was not coming. I looked at the sign and it said I had to take the E instead. during this 45 minute time period 3 E trains had already passed. By this time I was yelling to myself in the subway.

I picked the most awesome car to sit in. what seemed to be dedicated strictly to homeless people. one who i was convinced died sometime during my trip from queens to manhattan. The E train also had some "difficulties" and stopped for a good 20-30 minutes inbetween stops, making me that much more excited to be in new york. When I finally got to manhattan the train didn't stop at union at all. it was more like 14th and 9th. So I had to walk shit loads. Then waited another 1/2 hour for the path train to arrive so i could go back to hoboken.

Luckily my car was not towed, ticketed, or booted while i was gone. By this time it was really late, I don't even know what time, but later than I had planned.

Seriously, public transportation hates my guts. FUCK YOU MTA

peektures

2005-09-23T02:05:57Z

i never post any photos on here... check it.

i like this one because this room was pitch black and i just shot my camera into it and thats what i found. apparently, its hockey rules?

chaosismex @ 2005-09-04T16:37:00

2005-09-04T20:40:12Z

i miss my friends that just moved to philly already. this is terrible. they just moved in yesterday. looks like i'll be spending a lot of my weekends there. maybe if gas prices weren't terrible that wouldn't be a problem.

i'm bored. someone come hang out.

oh my god, getting paid is so sweet.

2005-09-04T03:10:23Z

so i got paid from my summer job on thursday.

i've already spent about 500 of it. i'm a beast, but i tihnk i deserve it. i worked my ass off.

i got 2 pairs of jeans, 10 shirts, north face backpack, new shoes, a belt, and mac makeup.

they took 412 dollars in taxes out. ASSHOLES.

i have court on wednesday.

another update for the victors.

2005-08-29T07:48:50Z

i need to get into the darkroom ASAP. i'm dying here. all these negatives lying around and no where to print them.

i'm getting a new tattoo this week. its a present to myself for working so fucking much this summer. i think i deserve it.

i can't update at 348 am. maybe tomorrow.

much needed update.

2005-08-23T19:25:00Z

arrite so here's whats going on...

since hellfest got cancelled me and the guys went to boston. fucking so much fun. i love those boys so much. we went in the escalade and were a bunch of fucking ballers. pictures up soon. we took a bunch of band photos haha.

highlights of lifetakers and heartbreakers tour 2k5:

-r. kelly
-no e-z pass.
-asian theme hotel
-street performers
-band photos
-dark brown rice?
-mosh dept.
-"what the fuck is that?!"
-nike town "a limited time gym shoe"
-"free" movies
-elimidate
-too many deuces dropped.
-free new england aquarium
-sharks
-grandma jugs
-"cute shops"
-BEEF!
-clubs

and other shit. so much fun.

i saw gorilla biscuits on the 14th. most incredible show i've probably been to in my entire life. so glad i got to go to that. too amazing for words.

lifetime and bouncing souls on sunday was awesome. ostrichsized was incredible. just complete chaos in there. amazing show.

still single and i'm definitely happy about that. although i could use some lovin' i'm much happier this way.

my favorite people are moving to philly next week. and thats probably where i will be pretty much every weekend.

new tattoo next week. i'm getting the cover of "the giving tree" its my favorite book as a child.

i need to get another haircut. they effed it up. chelsea that means you. help me out lady!

oh and my shit job at that camp is over. thank fucking god. i'm never doing that ever ever ever again. I HATE CHILDREN

chaosismex @ 2005-07-25T08:04:00

2005-07-25T12:08:05Z

right after an awesome weekend this bullshit happens.

hey lets post on the njscene board about dumping me when this was over with. WHATEVER. oh and he's going to ebay my number now? thats awesome. let me see you get away with that shit. lets make me look like a huge bitch when i definitely didn't do anytihng. wow i didn't answer your phone calls, fucking sue me.

now i have to sit at work and deal with this shit. fuck. thank you sooo much.

badges? we don't need no stinkin badges.

2005-07-25T02:17:31Z

what an awesome weekend, something i needed so badly.

2 skinnee J's were incredible. first and last time i'll see them. seriously, one of the highlights of my year so far.

i had so much fun with grey and sean. thank god for kids like them. totally worth the ridiculous amounts of driving. thanks to both of you. <3

i definitely don't want to go to work tomorrow. i can't wait another 4 more weeks! whatever. if one of those kids pisses me off tomorrow i'm punching it in the face.

NEW FUCKING CAR TOMORROW WHATTTTT!!!

chaosismex @ 2005-07-21T22:17:00

2005-07-22T02:18:59Z

i'm so angry right now its beyond words.

i don't even want to get into it because its just going to be a huge rant.

someone please explain to me why this bullshit always fucking happens. something go my way god damnit!

bora bitches.

2005-07-16T23:25:38Z

so i went to test drive and put a down payment on my car. 2001 VW Jetta. but some bro owned it before me and it has tints and like gay dark tail light lenses so i'm gonna have them changed but whatever. its nice. they just have to fix the glove box cause its broken and they have to clean it up, and i'll have it by friday. its a germany import so its called a Bora which is the german version of the Jetta. hot shit.

pretty sure i'm going to 2 skinnee J's next saturday in DC. i think i'm gonna shit myself, i've wanted to see them forEVER. thank god i need to get away for a little while. i'm going nuts.

i work everysinglefucking day. saturday is my only day off. and i work 14 hours a day tuesday and wednesday. i'm killing myself. at the end of august i need to take like 2 weeks off. i need some kind of vacation.

things are okay other than that i guess. lately i've just been on my last nerve and freaking out at everyone and then i feel horrible after. too much stress in my lfie i think, i need to chill out and i need some time off.

i haven't updated in FOREVER

2005-07-04T15:39:08Z

let me give you a little update of my life.

1. i've had a boyfriend for the past month and a half. he's awesome. we're huge nerds together and i love it. he wears a lot of sweaters.
2. i work at this camp in pomona, new york. it's snobby rich kid camp and i lifeguard and teach swim lessons there monday-friday 9-4. i get paid on the last day of camp but it'll be like 2500 dollars. sweet ass.
3. i'm getting a new car within the next two weeks. jawesome.
4. some kid owes me 500 dollars. and he better pay me.
5. one of my snakebites closed because at the camp i work at i can't have piercings so i took them out and within an hour the newest one closed, but the other one is fine.

i guess that about covers it.

oh and posi numbers in 3 weeks. sweeeet.

chaosismex @ 2005-04-24T19:09:00

2005-04-24T23:16:23Z

okay, maybe i'm retarded, i don't know, but someone please clarify if this makes sense.

so he says " i still want to be there for you. i want to be friends and to see you...etc."

i deny this, because at the time i didn't want to just be his friend, we were never just friends. i felt like it would be awkward.

i thought about everything, apologized for not being understanding and for being selfish, blah blah blah. i still want to talk to him, he's an amazing person who i don't feel like losing entirely.

i IM him saying AGAIN how sorry i am even though i was the one who was dumped.

he won't talk to me. he doesn't IM me. when i try talking to him he won't make conversation.

what happened to caring about me and wanting to be there for me. i was fucking lied to. he promised he'd be there for me and he's not. he won't even talk to me when i apologize when i did nothing wrong except feel hurt. what the hell did i do? he's the one who so badly wanted to continue to talk to me, yet he won't.

did i miss something?

birthday wish list!

2005-04-06T22:42:14Z

arrite since i'm getting a new car i need some shit for it, and its getting close to my birthday so it seems appropriate...

i don't expect any of this from anyone this is kinda for myself but ya know if you wanttttt you can get me something haha

1. Belkin Auto Kit for Ipod
2. Griffin Itrip for Ipod
3. Huge CD case cause mine is broken
4. mix cds- those are awesome!
5. 20 rolls of Fuji Superia 100 film
6. Canon deluxe backpack 200 EG
7. Phoenix ZBIS-92N TTL Zoom Shoe Mount Flash for Nikon
8. Canon Deluxe Tripod 200 (Quick Release) with 3-Way Panhead
9. Sigma Fisheye 15mm f/2.8 EX Diagonal Fisheye Autofocus Lens for Nikon

only one month remains kids, get to it! haha <3

buck fush?

2004-11-03T17:34:26Z

way to go america

way to re-elect a fucking monster

have a good 4 more years.

oh and when ww3 comes along. don't go blaming jersey, least were not a bunch of morons.

oh and i'm burning ohio.

<3.

untitled

2004-11-01T05:38:45Z

i don't even know why i have this, or why anyone cares to read it.

i hung out with dan today, and he always puts me in a thinking mood, cause he likes to have intelligent conversations. so i've been thinking alot. about alot of stuff.

i feel like no one knows me. that i'm always hiding something from someone, even my best friends, even if i can't figure out what i'm keeping from them. i always feel like i'm not telling them everything or anyone for that matter. no one like really knows me. not even myself.

i wish i could express my feelings more. i think i'm going to start doing that more often.

i'm going to compliment people more often. i love to see people smile because of something i did. and i know one compliment can seriously take all the bad shit away just for a minute. and thats all you need sometimes.

wow, i'm fucking corny.

i want someone to care about me. like full out care about me, my feelings, and my opinions.

i'm a sappy genre of music.

'cause you know you lived it well.

2004-10-27T01:14:54Z

i'm not happy. not at all. i don't like this.

make me happy. please.

hermmm

2004-09-17T23:14:26Z

today is friday and i am still sick.

i did nothing today.

i put music on my ipod. thats it.

in like an hour i'm going to PA with dylan to see adam.

he's having some bbq. yes, i am traveling 2 hours for a bbq.

i'm staying there tonight but i have to leave mad early cause i have class at 1.

oh sva i still love you<3

i miss my friends blah blah blah

i wish i could hang out with ryan more, he's an awesome person. and i have no friends at home.

my userpicture is decieving my hair is blonde and black now. oops.

it'll be 5 months tomorrow since i've been clean and since my best friend was killed <3

i love you john, this has been the longest 5 months of my life without you.
party with the big boys up there
best friends means friends for-fucking-ever.
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
keep smiling the best you knew how <3

...and i am crying.

as soon as you think it couldn't get worse...

2004-07-23T05:29:45Z

...it does.

michelle is in a coma, there taking her off life support, aka she is going to pass away.

what the fuck?!!?!

why am i fucking cursed, what is wrong with me

3 of my friends including my best fucking friend have died in the past 3 fucking months.

i'm sick of this shit

when is it going to end?!!?!

i can't take anymore stress, anymore crying, anymore hurting, and anymore heartbreak or i'm going to fucking have a heartattack and a mental breakdown.

i'm sick of everyone i love and care for dying.

11 people i love have died in the past 2 years, that is fucked up.

well i'll be gone at hellfest this weekend thank god i can let out a little anger

do me a favor people, please take care of yourselves.

<3 love you all.

please don't shoot the piano player, he's doing the best he can.

2004-07-19T05:17:06Z

i just saw farenheit 9/11

9/11 never really affected me, i guess it just didn't seem real, but things like that normally don't make a big impact on me

when i saw the people running in the streets it really hit me, this was so close to where i live, liek that actually happened, i could probably see it from where i am right now if i looked. fucking creepy.

when the lady was crying about her son dying i felt my eyes welling up. everytime i hear about someone young dying i think of john, not my other friends, just him. i just can't get over him, today is 3 months since he was killed. i haven't seen my baby in 3 months. i miss him so much. like i can't even describe it, i still don't understand that i will never see him again. the kid i would see or talk to every single day isn't here anymore, i would kill to see him again, i wish it was me rather than him. i want him to be here so much, i need him here. if there was anyone who knew how to cheer me up it was him. these past 3 months have been the longest of my life. i wish he could come back, theres nothing i want more than to see his face one more time. i'm sure you're all sick of me talking about it, but he was the hardest thing to lose.

i need a new book to read, i just finished the davinci code so now i have nothing to do at work. tomorrow is going to suck because no one will be there so i'll be sitting on my ass thinking about things i shouldn't and just making me upset

i wish i were a good writer. that i could write poetry, or songs, or a book. i'm just not creative enough in that aspect. if i write like a poem or something its fucking lame as hell. my songs have no structure, and you can forget about me writing a book. i wish i was like dan brown, how did he think of that story. he has to be the smartest person or the most intresting mind to think of sometihng so fasinating. chuck palahnuik said you have to be a fucking loser to be a writer. apparently i'm too cool? or not cool enough.

i need to stop ranting about montonous bullshit cause i'm sure no one wants to hear it. i'm sure i spelt that wrong but i don't care.

i have work way too much and for too long.

worry wart.

2004-07-18T06:00:50Z

i hate how i worry about everything and there seems like there isn't one thing that i don't over analyze for the worst.

i think i'm afraid of giving my hopes up cause that has happened to me too much. especially with my parents.

i hate being lied to more than anything. its so hard to live with a pathalogical liar. well kind of live with one. my parents don't even realize that there lies anymore, theyre living a lie. i don't even know the truth about anything. its freaky in a way. my aunt was telling me how my dad lied to me about so many things that i thought were real. and kept things from me that were very important, like how she tried getting custody of my brother and i when we were younger because our parents are legally insane. but lets not get into that, its way too hard to explain and really bothers me to talk about, unless someone of course is listening.

i swear i'm gonna die of over stress by 25. i put stress into my head, especially when i think too much at work. when you're alone for 11 hours everyday you really start over thinking everything. its bad, i always think things can go well, and they never do cause i over analyze it so that it'll go in my favor and it never ends up happening. its a real fast way to get yourself depresed. i'm not myself lately, i'm happy around people but as soon as i'm alone or like laying down or not talking i turn into this super depresssed loser. most of it is about my families future cause i honestly don't know where its going. i wish that was one thing i didn't have to worry about. some things never change, and they haven't for the past 10 or so years. if anything everything has gotten worse. i don't even know who my parents are. and i'm so lucky to not have gotten there mental disorders. hence the reason i don't do drugs.

i'm worried about my future children, i hope my genes didn't skip a generation and go to them, cause then i wouldn't have children. i don't want them to end up like my parents. thats not fair to them.

people need to visit me more at work so i don't start thinking about this stuff anymore.

sometihng my physciatrist told me is that i'm one of those people that isn't meant to be alone. i need someone there, because as a child i never had really anyone there except my brother. i'm good for relationships, and that is a good thing, but not when you can't get a guy for shit. everytime i think a guy has slight intrest i over analyze and thinks hes intrested in me and i try to find all these reasons why and then nothing happens, they have a girlfriend, or they think i'm such a "good friend" and that is the worst feeling in the world i think. i'd rather be beaten to shit or shot with a gun then feel that. its happened i think everytime lately. what the hell is wrong with me?

i've been getting dizzy lately. and not sleeping alot. i haven't been really taking my sleeping pills so i've been having my halucinations during the day. i'm an idiot i really need to take it tonight or my brain is gonna get really fucked up.

arrite its 2am and i have work in 6 hours. i need to get to sleep.

ps. ryan's mind is not a p.o.s. :)